"Not waving, but drowning"

I couldn't breathe this morning when I woke up, and I keep feeling like I'm suffocating.

I finished school one month and three days ago and can't figure out anything that I'm even mildly interested in doing now.

I've applied for jobs with three different organizations and thought my chances for getting one of the positions were pretty good. Now I'm worried they won't call. But I'm even more worried that they will, because I don't really want to be on contract to sit behind a desk for a year.

I have hundereds of options, but none of them make my heart race.

So here I am: 23 years old, living in my parents' house, surviving off the excess money Student Loans shared with me, and slowly drowning.

Another thing that worries me about this situation is that from the time I was 8 years old, I haven't had a favorite colour. I've tried picking one, but as much as I like green, I've never been able to commit to it. I like red, pink, orange, yellow, white, lavender, turquiose, black and even brown. I like basically every colour except vomit shades of yellow, brown and green.

I can't even make food choices when I go out to eat. Being a picky eater and a vegetarian usually only leaves me with two or three options, but it still takes a lot for me to make up my mind and once I decide on one thing, I always wish I'd ordered the other.

(Yes, this indecisiveness also transfers over to my dating life, but that's another story all together.)

If I can't even pick a favorite colour, a date, or choose between soup and a sandwich or salad and pasta, how am I ever supposed to decide on the beginning of my future?