Or I could get a seeing eye dog

I just booked an appointment with my eye doctor. We’re going to talk about the possibility of me getting laser eye surgery.

Thinking about getting the top layer of my eyes sliced open, having a computer-directed beam shooting deep into my eye and reshaping it, and wearing Band Aid contacts until I can see again – provided that I don’t go blind – makes me quite nervous.

Also, paying just over $3,000 for something that has no guarantees doesn’t do much to relax my nerves, especially considering that it’s only $1,599 for a flight to Johannesburg and back. But a trip to Far Away would be even better if I could see once I got there.

Eulogy for my car

I sold my darling red car on Monday and have been forlorn ever since. She was my first (and possibly last) car I've ever had. I've owned her for a year and during that time she took me racing up to my job at the newspaper. She carried me to the beach, to a funeral for a murdered RCMP officer, to court and back to my parents' home pretty much every weekend when I was homesick in my strange new town.

She was my shiniest friend and she was always sitting outside waiting for me to come and play. I miss her and how free I felt speeding down the highway singing at the top of my lungs.

Though I loved her, I sold her because 1) I'm a bad driver, 2) I'm trying to be more environmentally friendly, 3) and because my selling price ($2,500) is almost enough to pay for lazer eye surgery. Or six months rent. Or a year's worth of groceries. Or a plane ticket to a far away hot place. Or an awful lot of yoga classes.

The girl who bought my car promised to love her, take of take her to the beach all the time, so I'm sure my car won't be too heartbroken without me.

Wedding

The Photographer is getting married in six days. Six days is not a lot of time and I still haven't gotten used to the idea of her being a Mrs.

She's a year and a half younger than me and it's weird to think of my little sister being old enough to get married. I don't even consider myself an adult, so when people who're younger than me think they're ready for grown-up stuff.

My first boyfriend was engaged by the time he was 20, most of my childhood friends are married and/or have kids, and now my little sister who used to battle me for the rights to read the newest Sweet Valley Twins book is going to be half of an "us."

Also, I just discovered that both of the guys I was reserving* in case I ever wanted to settle down** are married or are in the process of getting married.

So I'm having a bit of a crisis coming to terms with all the marrying going on.

I should mention I'm happy for the Photographer. She seems happy and snuggley and ready. And I just bought my very own camera to take pictures for her since she'll be way too busy these next few days to worry about getting all the shots she'll want later.

* I suppose it might have helped if I told them I was keeping them just in case.

** Highly unlikely.

Dot beeling berry dood

The Photographer and her fiance were in the Phillipines and just got back last week. When they returned they were both ill. The Photographer had pnemonia and her fiance had strep throat.

Since they've been home, my littlest sister developed bronchitis, my mom and Faunty have colds and, according to my doctor, I have "tonsilitus and a crackly chest."

I hate missing work, but today is my third day in a row on sick leave. Yesterday I went into the office but only lasted 10 minutes before taking myself home to bed.

I'm a little disappointed that my illness is an ordinary one. I would much rather have gotten an exotic Asian sickness than a regular North-American infection.

Once the snow melts...

The Snowplower called Monday at noon and left a voicemail message asking what would have to happen for him to be my boyfriend.

I wasn’t sure if I was even going to call him back, as things did end rather messily the last time, but by 8:30 that night I gave in and called.

When there was no answer I left a message that said simply, “Hi it’s me. Call back when you get a chance.” (Please note how I did not say, “Hi, I want to be your girlfriend. Please stop by my apartment whenever you get a chance.”)

I went to home for lunch today and on the way I heard a car honk. A guy across the street said something to the guy who had honked and I didn’t pay much attention to either of them. Then my phone was ringing when I got to my door. Any guesses who it was?

It was the Snowplower saying he was at the front door and that he was coming in to hang out with me while I ate lunch. I was confused and a little flustered and a bit creeped out, but I still managed to say, “Aren’t you going to ask permission first?”

So then he asked if he could spend my lunch break with me. I said he could but that we’d have to go somewhere to eat because I didn’t want him in my apartment.

Then he told me how he had just been at the hospital getting some help with his kidney stones and that he wasn’t feeling and just wanted to see me. So I let him in.

We didn’t really have anything to talk about and it was really awkward as I live in a bachelor suite with my bed in the living room performing as a couch and a table. We sat on my bed in near silence as I ate lunch.

Then he told me that he missed me and that he just wants to be with me. (I don’t really believe it because if you actually like someone, you probably don’t go months without talking to that person. We hadn’t seen each other since the day before I started my new job).

Then he tried to kiss me and that didn’t go over too well.

We talked for a few minutes and then he tried to swoop in and steal a kiss. Again I didn’t let him and this time I was mad that he was trying again. After all, how long is a “no” valid? I think a “no” has to last at least a little longer than a minute or two.

He pressures me too much, he seems to think I’m lazy (because my dishes and floors weren’t washed in time for his surprise visit), we have nothing in common, and I feel like he’s trying to manipulate me. Last time things ended, I rearranged my apartment to try to forget that he had been there. Things have been in this long dying-out process since we met and I don’t know what to do since the empathetic, overly-forgiving and admittedly-stupid part of me still has the remnants of a crush on him.