Sometimes it's confusing in my head

You know how I said the Snowplower and I were done? We're not. In future posts it would be wise to disregard anything I say about our status because everything keeps changing.

We argue a lot because we don't really understand each other and because I read too much into the things he says. We had (another) disagreement yesterday morning (where he was clearly in the wrong) but I decided to give him another chance because I haven't had a job since we met and have had far too much time to spend analyzing every last bit of our "relationship" and getting mad about things that may not have even happened.

We were hanging out yesterday when he said something I found a little bit weird. He had his hands around my waist and said, "you're skinny." Well I'm not and I don't even want to be. I'm thin maybe or average or proportioned or toned, but not skinny. And the Snowplower isn't much bigger than me. He's taller, with nice big shoulders, but I bet I could borrow his jeans and not need a belt.

I'm sure he meant it as a compliment but it seemed strange, like he was just saying it because he thought I wanted to hear it. Which leads me in all my craziness to think that maybe he actually thinks I'm not thin enough, even though it's the opposite of what he said and doesn't make any sense. I'm even confusing myself.

I'm trying to stop going over our mundane conversations and looking for hidden meanings. I think everything will be a lot easier for me once I start my new job (did I mention it doesn't start until the middle of February?) and have more to think about.

The waiting is over

The woman doing the hiring for the public-relations job I want called late yesterday afternoon.

She began by saying, "I'm sorry. I have a few more ...."

She kind of paused and seemed to be searching for a word, so I tried to help her out by starting to say "more qualified candidates" and was prepared to ask what I could have done differently. It turned out she had been trying to say that she had a few more references to check and would let me know her final decision tomorrow.

She called this morning and offered me the job. Yay!

Now I need to go shopping and get me a business woman's wardrobe.

An end

The Snowplower and I just ended things.

He had asked me a few days ago about coming over for brunch today and I said okay. I called at around 10 this morning and left a message asking if we were still on. He called at 1:30 and said he guessed he was too late.

I agreed that he was too late and told him that I'm tired of not hanging out with him. I told him that when two people like each other, usually they would want to actually want to spend time together and not just talk on the phone once in a while. He responded by saying that he's really busy with work. "Work and sleep, that's my life," he said, then asked me to call him again sometime.

I have no idea why he would call so often if he didn't want to see me. I don't think we ever actually understood anything about each other.

And to clarify my last post about my non-single friends, I know (and have known for a while) that "he's just not that into me." I get that if someone doesn't make time to be with me that he doesn't want to date me. It just sucks to have happily-ever-after girls be so harsh about something that mattered to me.

P.S. Sorry about the depressed-sounding posts lately. I'll find out about the job I don't think I'll get in the next day or two, so there's a high likelyhood more glum ramblings will be coming up.

On the Snowplower and non-single friends

My friends, who are all in serious relationships, hate the Snowplower. None of them have met him, but they've heard a bit about him -- both good and bad -- from me.

One of my friends got angry with me for still liking him and was making me feel terrible for giving him another chance. Others seem annoyed when I tell them the cute things he had to say.

I like him and I'm tired of feeling like I have to defend my decision to keep talking to him. It sucks when my friends give me a list of reasons why I should get rid of the Snowplower and then talk about how wonderful their boyfriends/husbands are or about the fabulous plans they have for that evening.

I miss having single friends, I miss being able to relate to my best girls and I miss the days when my friends always had time for me.

Phew

My pointy shoes are off, my hair has been freed from its too-tight bun and I have finally stopped sweating.

People keep asking how the interview went and I don't know what to say. Parts were horrible and other parts were great. I had no opportunity to reveal what I know about the company's mission or the information I gleaned from the annual report. I had to admit I didn't know the answer to one of the interview questions about developing effective marketing strategies.

But I made the interviewers laugh a few times, they seemed impressed by my writing samples and they seemed to appreciate the scenarios I talked about from my work at the newspaper.

I won't be too surprised if I get the job and I won't be too surprised if I don't. I did some yoga and listened to classical music to calm down before the interview, so that may account for my more zen state of mind.

The big day

I went to bed sweating and work up with my nervous glands still on hyperactive.

My interview is in three hours, so I have enough time to review the notes I made. I've decided on wearing pants that are the same grey as the pinstripes in my jacket. I've put together a little folder of additional information for my interviewer (including my references, one more writing sample and a copy of the documentary I assistant produced in the spring). And I've absorbed about all that will sink into my head from the company's website.

While I'm still nervous, I know I'm ready and that I've done all I can.

A case of preformance anxiety

So I'm having a crisis. I was going to wear an uber-professional skirt suit, but I've decided it would look weird to be bare calved in the middle of January. My interview is with a woman and I don't want to scandalize her with unseasonal skin. I don't have the suit pants to match my jacket, so now I'm not so sure what I'm going to wear tomorrow.

I don't know where my hair straightener is either (I haven't seen it since I moved home) so I think I may have to resort to a curling iron or a severe-looking ponytail.

I sent in my work to my freelance boss and made a little joke about how it's lucky for him that I still haven't found a day job. He e-mailed back to say how much he liked what I had written and to offer to be a reference for me! I already have two good references but was thinking I should add another one to fill up the page, so I'm in luck.

I did a little investigating and found out that pretty much the entire interview will be questions about how I delt with particular situations in the past. I've been preparing answers to a bunch of possible questions, but am worried I'll slip up and start talking about all the times I've been "let go" or how I got so angry about punctuation at my last job that I couldn't handle it and had to quit.

I'm nervous that I didn't learn enough about the company and that I'll mess up the numbers, saying billions instead of millions or forgetting about the technical words I should be using.

My stomache is in knots and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I think I want this too much and I'm worried that because I want it so badly I'm going to turn into a babbling, stammering incoherent mess tomorrow. But for now I'm going to try to forget my nerves and have another look over the company's last annual report.

What I did today (a nearly comprehensive overview)

Today I had fun with my freelancing job and my potential new job.

I was checking out what was going on in court, mostly just out of curiousity, and saw a domestic violence trial. (I feel like a creep for being so fascinated by the legal system, by watching justice at work and hearing evidence about the crazy things some people do.) A guy hit his girlfriend bad enough that she needed nine stiches in her forehead and ripped her glasses off her face. He bent the glasses in half, bit them and then threw them into her yard. She didn't want to press charges or to testify and told the judge that she still loves him and wants to be with him.

Nothing else interesting was happening in court, so I went to the mall to get a local number for my cell phone. When I was leaving, I saw that a deep blue v-necked sweater I had really wanted to buy a few weeks ago had gone on sale. Of course I had to buy it. I'm thinking I'll wear my pointy shoes and the sweater with my pinstriped skirt suit.

I took the long way back to my car (more accurately known as my mom's car) and walked past the place my interview will take place and where two lucky recent grads will begin their corporate careers. There were tons of places for rent nearby and I couldn't help imagine my little dream life which includes that job, a darling apartment, organic groceries, yoga, fondu parties and fun nights out. Sigh. I think I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Then I came home and the snowplower called. Apparently he was working on a road near my house and wanted me to drive over and meet him. I told him that as much fun as a date on the side of the road sounds, he needs to ask me on a proper date. Now we have tentative plans for brunch on Sunday. (This proper date/ 15 minute date is a running point of contention in our "relationship").

I continued preparing for my interview, memorizing stats about the company and trying to think of specific situations where I've handled conflict well and followed a company policy I disagreed with.

Then I came up with a great idea to make my freelancing boss happy and he loves it. He loves it so much he even used a little profanity to express himself. And because he liked the the idea so much, I started working on it and finished the project in less than an hour even though these things usually take about three hours to do. And I get paid by the job not by the time it takes to get it done, so I made a lot of money for tiny bit of fun work.

In sum, I'm having a nice day.

Another step

I have an interview! For the fantastic job!

My interview is on Thursday afternoon and the more I research I do on the organization, the more I desperately want to work there. I've been reading the annual report from 2005 and some of the stuff the company does is really neat.

I found a website with 109 commonly-asked interview questions, so I've been practicing my responses and getting all prepared.

The job hunt and related rambling

Yesterday was the last day anyone interested in the PR job I want could apply. I'm going to spend the weekend reading up on the company and preparing in case they ask me to come in for an interview.

I got a nice rejection letter in the mail from the Terry Fox Run organization. I had applied for an administration position that I knew I wasn't qualified for but was sure I'd be able to do.

My rejection letter came yesterday after my sisters and I went to a little Mary Kay makeup party. We tried on some lovely eyeshadows and sparkly lip glosses and I ended up getting a really pretty copper eyeliner. The woman who hosted the party told me I'd be "imminently qualified" to be a hostess with the company, but that's not quite what I'm looking for in a job.

In any case, it was nice to have an offer to balance out the rejection.

As an aside that's indirectly related to my working situation, the Snowplower called again yesterday (and the day before) and it seems like he remembers everything I've ever told him. We have good conversations and laugh a lot, but he still hasn't asked me on another date.

I had an epiphany last night that seems to make sense based on a few things he's said: Maybe he just doesn't want to start anything with an unemployed bum. Afterall if the situation were reversed, I wouldn't be inclined to get involved with someone who lives with his parents, stays home all the time, has no source of income and who may be more interested in my money than in me.

I know it's pathetic that I've spent enough time analyzing the situation to come up with a forgivable excuse for his behaviour, but I like him. And it seems like he might actually want to spend time with me once (/if) I get a job.

The dangerous game

You wouldn't think playing barefoot soccer with a nine year old could be a risky passtime, but if you were trying to get a goal on my little sister you would be wrong. Very wrong.

My sister is in a soccer league and has no problem head butting the ball, diving on top of it and kicking hard, no matter whose shins may be in the way.

My kicking foot is all red and puffy, my ankle hurts from when her knee dug into it and there have been a lot of furniture accidents. Despite the physical pain, the worst part of the suffering is when she beats me.

The job search, cover letters and shoes

It's been two and a half months since I had a job that lasted more than 5.5 hours. I'm running out of money, am impossibly bored and am desperate for a good/proper/real job.

On the bright side, I'm getting really good at writing cover letters.

I just found out that it's not normal to send references along with a resume, but to hold them back until the interwiew or until the employer asks for them. That seems weird to me and my resume seems lonely without them.

Also I just discovered that it's a good idea to put your contact info on both your resume and cover letter in case they get seperated.

Another thing I learned from online cover-letter writing services is that instead of saying, "I am hard-working, energetic and passionate about ____ ( a specific aspect of your company), it's better to give specific examples that prove these things.

I applied for a job in Toronto that I'm completely unqualified for and have been sending my resume out here and there to take some of the edge off the PR job I really want. Tomorrow is the last day people can apply for it and then the real worrying starts.

A friend and I went to the mall yesterday and I bought a pair of black pointy-toed office shoes after she agreed it would be impossible for an interviewer not to hire me while I'm wearing them.

A chemical mystery

I used a dark blonde dye to make my lighter hair and my darker roots blend together. I left the dye on exactly 25 minutes and had made sure the dye in the box was labelled with the same number as the picture on the box, so I was quite confused when my hair ended up almost black. It was awful.

I called Garnier to complain, but because I admitted I hadn't done a strand test before dying my hair they weren't too understanding of my mini-crisis.

The woman in customer service said somehow my hair must have just slurped up the colour and my only options were to get used to the new colour or to buy a dandruff shampoo. Apparently if you use a clear or white dandruff shampoo with no conditioner in it and leave it on dry hair for 30 minutes, it eats some of the colour off your hair.

Though I have no idea how it works, I tried it and my hair is much less detestable now. And you'll be pleased to know that I have no flakes of dead skin hanging out on my scalp.

Hiatus

Nothing is new, exciting or interesting in my life right now, hence the lack of posts lately. Excuse my current dullness. When I stop being so boring, I'll start blogging again.

Yesterday was the first day of the winter semester. Yesterday was also the day I officially withdrew from the classes I was planning to take. (Going to school was my back-up plan in case I didn't have a quality job lined up.) I know it may be foolish, but I'm putting all my hopes into the fabulous public-relations job that I'm trying to get.

I've been working on perfecting my cover letter and resume and am getting close to having everything ready.

Everytime I think about the job, my hands start to sweat.

Even though it's way too early, I can't stop planning my new life. I keep thinking about the apartment building I'll be able to live in if I get the job and what I'll wear if I get an interview.

The scale of judgment

The Snowplower called, mildly remourseful for his three-week disappearance, terrible social skills and general ineptitude for romance. Faunty thinks I shouldn't go out with him again, but I haven't made my mind up yet.

Here's my pro and con list:

Con
He's kind of a jerk (see my earlier Sucky Snowplower post).

Pro
He's really cute.


I'm torn, but it seems the pro is more important. If I do decide to go on another date with him, I'll make sure to keep it a secret from Faunty, the internet and everyone else who's heard me complain about him.

You know you're doing something stupid when everyone -- even yourself -- judges you for it.
:)

Looking up

I have a job prospect. Finally.

I don't want to jinx things, so that's all I'll say for now.

Resolutions that I most likely won't keep

1. Decide on a future.

2. Find a decent job.

3. Eat more vegetables.

4. Keep up with my physio home program and make sure my neck gets better.

5. Take my littlest sister on more dates.

6. Be nicer to someone who shall remain nameless.

7. Stop being attracted to snowplowers.

8. Paint.

9. Find an apartment.

10. Sell my car and find more environmentally-friendly transportation.

11. Look into the prospect of starting my own little guilt-free clothing store where everything is made according to fair trade standards.

12. Go to the symphony and the art gallery and the theater more often. Even if no one goes with me.

13. Keep my room cleaner.

14. Work on better posture.

15. Be happy.

Of pigs and spiders

Faunty and I took our littlest sister to see Charlotte's Web this afternoon. It was cute and she really liked it.

I liked it too, except I was disappointed with the scene when Charlotte catches a bug in her web. In the book, Charlotte says, "I don't eat them (bugs); I drink them. Drink their blood. I love blood." In the movie Charlotte is unfortunately not allowed to be quite so graphic.

My mom is cooking ham tonight and I'm curious to see if my little sister will be able to eat it. Poor little Wilber in our oven.