To my most hostile visitor

"Jesus loves me,"

Guess what? I went to the doctor today about my scratchy throat and after a few sympathetic noises he said I have tonsillitus -- not an imaginary illness. So unless my hypocondria is so severe that it causes my body to manifest actual symptoms, I would like to take this moment to point out that I was right and you were, most unfortunately, incorrect in your latest diagnosis.

A few days ago before your comments turned less mean and even shockingly nice, I showed one of my sisters what you had written. She was horrified and couldn't understand why I kept laughing.

Despite your often vulgar language, open hostility and the personal attacks you seem to thrive on, I find that you write the way my classmates and I have been trained for editorial writing with your mixture of facts, quotes and biting criticism.

You're so sarcastic and so backed up with facts that it's difficult to argue with anything you have to say. If I were an editor, I'd hire you in a second for the scathing political commentaries I'm sure you could provide -- although there'd have to be a clause somewhere in the contract limiting the use of profanities, of course.

Too bad we have similar ideas on reproduction, because I'd like to battle you in such a subjective debate. A duel of logic. A war of the keyboards. A match between my education and experience as a reporter against your name-dropping, thoroughly-researched arguments.

But then again, it seems both of us are pretty stubborn, neither would ever concede defeat, and I would more likely than not end up with a few fish carcasses buried in my attic.