My ridiculousness

1.

I was walking to work, swinging my purse a little by the strap, when a bunch of people came towards me from the other direction. I moved a bit closer to the edge of the sidewalk and continued swinging my purse.

As I was passing a fire hydrant, I felt a slight tug – my purse had gotten hooked on the front spout.

2.

I was at a work seminar earlier this week wearing my regular boots and walking down a flight of regular stairs. Then I tripped and most glamorously struggled not to fall on my face. I barely managed to avoid falling. I did not manage to avoid embarrassing myself.

One might think that after 24 and a half years of existing, remaining upright should be a rather easy and mundane task.

3.

You’ll forgive me for telling you such outdated news when you hear how disastrous it was.

Five years ago I was working as a house keeper at a fairly nice hotel when I lived in a mountain-resort town. I was wearing a drawstring skirt and a mandatory cleaning staff apron that tied in the back.

A hotel guest (male, late 40’s, early 50’s) was still in his room when I went to clean it and he wanted me to clean his room while he worked at a table across from the bed. As I was making his bed, my ankle-length skirt felt a little loose so I kept tugging it up.

It wasn’t until I was in the next room that I realized it hadn’t been my skirt that I was adjusting. Instead, I had been tugging up my very unprofessional underwear and likely sending out a rather inappropriate message. It wasn’t long after that terrible embarrassment that I decided to stop making other people’s beds.

4.

I developed a crush on the guy who was behind me in line at the grocery store last night. This happened solely because he laughed at something I said and because our groceries matched. He was buying healthy bread and a huge case of organic salad. I was buying whole-wheat bread and organic lettuce.

It’s totally meant to be.