Office observations

1. There’s a pair of scissors in my office that I’m afraid of. They’re so long and clinical-looking that I once held them up to my side to see if they’d go all the way through me. They would.

My office is so concerned about security that I’m not allowed to go to my desk without first showing the security guards my ID card, yet an enraged worker could stab all the way through me with an office-provided tool.

2. There’s a 25-person and 4,000-pound limit on our elevator. But it is suffocatingly-crowded when nine smallish people squish on for the ride to their floor. I wonder what circumstance would have 25 160-pound people stacked floor to ceiling to meet the elevator’s carrying capacity.

3. The cleaning staff waters my plant and vacuums around my desk. But, as is rather obvious, they don’t vacuum behind my desk. I have a pile of leaves and papers that must have taken years to get so deep.

A guy who works near me has papers, leaves, an orange and what appears to be the remains of a hotdog wrapped in a pita lost in the abyss behind his desk.

4. I find it rude taking candy from the bowl by the secretary’s desk, so I always find myself waiting until lunch break or the end of the day when no one’s around before I’ll grab a little treat. It seems a little like authorized theft.