My semi-colon

I'm well aware what you will think when I tell you this. You will think I should be over it by now, I shouldn't have expected things to change, that I should have left a long time ago and that it's ridiculous that I let things get to the point they're at.

The Snowplower and I are over. Again. And this time is worse than any of the other times because I wanted to believe him so badly. He said he wanted to be a part of my life, to play football in the park with me, to make me dinner, to have me take care of him when he wasn't feeling well and to have us be a real, official couple.

Actually what he meant was: Start liking me again so I can be the one who rejects you.

It's been this weird little game between us of who is going to do the rejecting. He'll do something lame -- like not call for two or three weeks -- to reject me. Then he'll call and apologize and I'll tell him he's too late. Then I'll feel bad when he sounds sad and I'll forgive him and he'll say a bunch of sweet things and I'll agree to see him again. And as soon as we're done hanging out I know it's going to be another long time until he calls again and starts the whole angry unhealthy loop over again.

And despite the constant leaving, when he comes back over and over again, it feels almost like he's being patient with me, like he wants to make things work and like he really cares. Which is pretty much the opposite of what's actually happening, but it's a less depressing -- and therefore much easier -- way to look at the situation.

We had fun a week and three days ago. Or at least I did. And now he's not calling again and I'm worried that when he does call (if he does) I won't be able to convince him that I don't want to keep seeing him.

Does all of this sound pathetic? I know. I just can't seem to fix it.

The other day I had a debate with this cool, fun (and unfortunately engaged) guy about semi-colons. We were arguing about proper use of this esteemed form of punctuation.

I love semi-colons and other forms of punctuation, in case you hadn't gathered that by now. And anyway, when a semi-colon is used in what I consider its best form it's used to balance out two equal sentences, adding more meaning and more connectedness to both. All I want is to discover my other sentence.